Subject:        	The Bible  According to Kids
Date sent:      	Wed, 17 May 2000 21:47:29 +0100

-----The following statements about the Bible were written by children,
and have not been retouched or corrrected.  (bad spelling has been left
in).
 
In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the
world, so he took the Sabbath off.
 
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
 
Noah's wife called Joan of Ark because Noah built the ark, which the
animals came to in pears.
 
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
 
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with
unsympathetic Genitals.
 
Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astrqay by a Jezebel like
Delilah.
 
Samson slew the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
 
Moses let the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread,
which is bread without any ingredients.
 
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.  Afterwards, Moses went up
to Mount Cyanide to find the ten amendments.
 
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
 
The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultrety".
 
Moses died before he ever reached Canada.  Then Joshua let the Hebrews in
the battle of Geritol.
 
The greatest miricle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand
still and he obeyed him.
 
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.  he fought with the
Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
 
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
 
When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna
Carta.
 
Then the Three Wise Guys from the East arrived and found Jesus in the
manager.
 
Jesus was born because Mary had an Immaculate Contraption.
 
St. John, the blacksmith, dumpted water on his head.
 
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before
they do one to you.
 
He also explained that "Man does not live by sweat alone".
 
It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
tombstone off the entrance!
 
The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibles.
 
The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.
 
One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
 
St. Paul cavorted Christianity.  He preached the holy acrimoney, which is
another name for marriage.
 
A Christian should have only one spouse.  This is called monotony.